Top 5 Things Wrong with the Last 30 Minutes of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

The following article was written by contributer Jeff Feldman, author of "Bands You Never Heard Of" and the complete biography of Joseph Stringer. Feldman is a well known Harry Potter expert and is a legend of the computer game Backyard Baseball.

Reader Disclaimer: If you have not seen Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, don't fucking read this. Unless you don't care then by all means, go for it!

First off, Half-Blood Prince was a decent film, perhaps one of the best of the series thus far. The acting for the most part was solid, the effects were good, the jokes were funny, and my favorite Potter book was fairly well-represented, at least for the first two hours. However, nothing can excuse the absolute abomination that David Yates and co. called the film's conclusion. Absolutely desecrating the finest chapters Rowling ever wrote, the last half hour of the movie was an utter travesty. Here are the top five reasons why:

5. "Shh..."

In one of many terrible and unnecessary plot changes, Dumbledore does not freeze Potter to prevent him from taking on the Death Eaters right before his death. Instead, Harry stays under the floor where he runs into Snape, who signals that Harry should remain quiet while he goes upstairs. I have two problems with this alteration. First, what the hell is the point? It's not like staying true to the book would have taken up any more time. Plus making Potter go downstairs instead of under the invisibility cloak led to forcing the audience to watch the whole scene through the goddamn floor (more on that later). Second, it makes no fucking sense. Dumbledore is unarmed in front of, among other people, the woman who killed Sirius Black (who Potter frantically chased less than an hour ago), and we're supposed to believe that by choice Harry decides, "You know I never did quite like that Severus fellow but this seems like a good time to trust him and shut up." I understand plot changes have to happen when a book becomes a movie, but this one absoluetly pointless, and if that wasn't enough it's illogical.

4. No Funeral

Perhaps the title is misleading. I'm not exactly mad that they didn't have a funeral for Dumbledore like they did in the book. Things need to be cut, and that seems like a fair thing to get rid of. But if you're still going to spend five minutes of post-death time focusing on Dumbledore, why not have something exciting. A funeral would be hard to shoot, with tons of people and whatnot? Okay, I get that. Except you took 3 minutes showing all the fucking people who would be at Dumbledore's funeral standing like dumbasses around his body, holding their wands up in what I assume is supposed to display determination or something. The brilliant thought process here: "The most baller character in our series just died, so lets mark the occasion by having everyone wave lighters like it's a fucking U2 concert." Sounds great.

3. Alan Rickman

Alan Rickman is one of my favorite actors, and I think that for the most part he's done an excellent job in the series, but what the fuck was he doing in this movie. In the sixth book, we finally see Snape snap, turning from a bitter albeit slightly mysterious dick into a legendary badass. Rowling fooled many into thinking, until the seventh book, that he truthfully was an evil character. But in this movie, Rickman is just wimpy. He always looks like he's going to cry, and every time he's in a scene with the death eaters he makes a point of hesitating before every word he says. And like three different times he ran into Potter, didn't say anything, and ran away. Yes Alan, we all know that Snape is conflicted and really likes Harry's eyes, but cut out the "subtlety" and show some passion. The Dumbledore death scene and this entire movie, which should have been Rickman's shining moment, was one of the actor's most forgettable performances.

2. The Worst-Shot Death Scene Ever

Ever since reading the chapter where Dumbledore dies, I have been waiting for this scene in the movie. I don't think I can fully describe how incredibly dissapointing it turned out to be. But first, the good: Helena Bonham Carter gets props for another excellent batshit-crazy performance to add to her long list of batshit-crazy performances. Also, I thought Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy, despite looking like he's about 30 years old, did an excellent job. But that was it. Rickman was choking back the tears as usual and Michael Gambon showed none of Dumbledore's weakness and desperation from the book. And to top it all off, why the fuck did they shoot the scene from beneath the fucking floorboards!? I went to ths movie because I want to see the stuff that happened in the book, so when you don't show me it what the fuck is the point. The ratings board is really gonna penalize you for showing a clear shot of a wizard taking a green flash of light to the chest? This is a textbook example of how not to shoot the climax of your movie: no tension, no shock, and no god damn visibility.

1. That Pathetic Excuse for a Duel

The chase/duel that closed out the book was one of my favorite parts of the whole series, when Snape and Potter finally go head to head and Snape completely kicks his ass even while he struggles with the most difficult part of his double-agent role. "DON'T -- CALL ME A COWARD!" may be the five most important words in his story, screamed at the peak of an incredible rivalry. The scene was the perfect opportunity to mark the turning point of the series, where confrontation becomes inevitable and secrets start to unravel. Instead, someone thought it was a better idea to make the chase out of Hogwarts a leisurely jog, have the characters shoot off a stunning total of about four spells, and reduce the dialogue to Potter's weak "fight back!" and Snape basically whispering "Hey, I'm the Half-Blood Prince" before waltzing off into the sunset. It was absolutely and unforgivably pathetic.