Top 5 Weezer Songs on the (Blue Album)

Love them or hate them, Weezer has been around for a long time and are still cranking out good music. With an 8th album coming out this September, one can lose track of what they have accomplished over 16 years. So to rewind the clock, we look back at their 1994 debut and arguably their best album, the Blue Album. We gathered four expert panelists to take the ten tracks off the album and rank their top 5. On such a loaded album, to try and pick five and rank them would prove challenging. But never fear, these four are the best of the best. Each one has listened to each song on this album over 100 hundred times so whatever they say is definitely 100 percent true.

Eddie Small (He writes a lot.)

5. Surf Wax America - I like this one for the same reasons I like “Holiday”: it’s fun and it’s catchy. Also, it’s about surfing, so it reminds me of The Beach Boys. We get a little dose of neurotic Weezer with the repeated lines “I never thought it would come to this/Now I can never go home,” but the carefree lines about surfing are too dominant for those to turn the song into a downer. For more reasons about why I like this one, simply reread the entry for “Holiday.”

4. Holiday - Basically, I just really enjoy listening to this song. If you want me to come up with a more detailed reason for choosing it, I think it shows that even when Weezer was at its dysfunctional anxious prime the band could still write a fun song about having fun. I know that is exactly what a lot of people don’t like about the band now, but there’s no denying this is a great song with a great hook. I would also argue that it’s impossible to hate on anything that rhymes “Kerouac” with “Bivouac.”

3. In The Garage - Even for a nerdy band’s nerdiest album, this song is refreshingly upfront and blatant in its nerdiness. Before the first chorus hits, we’ve already heard references to Dungeons and Dragons, X-Men and KISS, and the later lines about writing and loving stupid lyrics to stupid songs are a nice glimpse into the personal neuroses of Rivers. Overall, this is just a great jam about not being entirely comfortable with how uncool you are but taking solace in the fact that you’ll always have that one spot where it doesn’t matter.

2. Buddy Holly - I’ll go ahead and say that anyone who left this song off of their lists did so in a misguided attempt to seem cool by ignoring the most obvious choice. The thing is, it’s the most obvious choice for good reason. It manages to combines a playfully self-aware reference to Rivers looking like Buddy Holly with the endearingly nerdy sensibility of being too happy to have found a girl willing to be with you to care what anyone else thinks. Also, the video features a young Barry Zuckerkorn. Throw in the fact that it’s catchy as hell, and what more could you ask for?

1. Undone (The Sweater Song) - Not only do the mumbled interludes between the verses make this the most creative song on the album, but they also do a great job expressing what it feels like to be uncomfortable in a social setting, something I would assume Rivers and hardcore Weezer fans are extremely familiar with. It’s painfully evident one of the people in the conversation does not want to be where he is, and the other person just seems to be feigning enthusiasm through a drug induced haze. This culminates very nicely with the “I’ve come undone” line in the chorus. It’s a great example of how a song can be emo but be subtle and thus more realistic about it. Yes I’m unhappy, but I’m not going to screech about killing myself; I’m just going to mutter apathetically around other people until I get over it.


Jeff Feldman

5. In the Garage - The album's nerdiest sing-a-long, and the only possible song that could come on after "Say It Ain't So" and successfully prevent you from going back a track.

4. Buddy Holly - Not much that needs to be said about this one. It's a great tune, but it's the video that ensured it's immortality.

3. No One Else - This oft-forgotten gem, by far the most under-appreciated song on the album, is both incredibly catchy and the first introduction to Cuomo's pretty amusing relationship neurosis. I guess this is what Pinkerton haters wanted that album to sound like, and I can't really blame them. One of the best Weezer songs, period.

2. The World Has Turned and Left Me Here - The first song I really liked on this album. What really sets it apart is just how tremendously huge it is, with chugging guitars and a solid backbeat complementing the overblown mopiness. I can't ever hear those first drumbeats with staying for the whole song.

1. Say It Ain't So - This seems to be pretty much the consensus nowadays, and for good reason. It's certainly aged the best out of any song on the album. The feedback swells leading into the chorus make for some of the best single-second sounds in the history of rock, up there with David Byrne's first shout in "Born Under Punches" and the "ch-ch"s of Radiohead's "Creep".


George Mazzoli: The Blue Album is to me the essence of what the band strives to be. Their later albums may be more complex and sweeping, but it’s tough to beat the simple chords and lyrics that this young group of guys put out midway through the 90s. I could listen to this record all day and be happy, and in the end, that’s really what it comes down to.

5. Surf Wax America - This is a great feel-good track off the album. If I surfed at all, this would remind me of summer. The band does a good job of mixing upbeat, simple guitar with a great breakdown, keeping the track interesting throughout.

4. In The Garage - In The Garage is, in my opinion, one of the more underrated tracks on the Blue Album. Apart from the fact that it made me feel better about being such a loser growing up, the track keeps tight riffs, solos, and goddamn harmonica working together to make a great track.

3. Buddy Holly - Widely considered to one of Weezer’s best, Buddy Holly’s driving pace and self-depreciating lyrics make it a great example of the band’s early 90’s material. Raditude evolves from this song. After all, don’t we always wonder why these homies dissin’ my girl? Why do they gotta front? Questions for the ages.

2. Say It Ain’t So - Classic Weezer. It’s almost impossible not to like this song, and is always a great choice for some drunken sing-along at parties. I’ve covered this in a band, and was one of my favorites to both play and sing. Can’t beat the guitar solo near the end. Amazing.

1. The World Has Turned And Left Me Here - Another I feel is fairly underrated on the album. It’s become one of my favorites of their entire library. The track is little more complex than other tracks on the album, and not a bad indicator of what’s to come in two years on Pinkerton.


Jack Colicchio

5. Surf Wax America - Another awesome summer song. Really catchy and good lyrically like most every song on this album. Rivers is sooo right in this song talking about how once you get settled in to the summer/partying life style it is really hard to go back to living in the real world.

4. Only In Dreams - Maybe slightly too long for my taste (8 minutes), but a truly beautiful, powerful song. Probably my favorite chorus out of any song. Everyone knows the feeling that this song is conveying, that feeling of hopeless romanticism where you know no matter how hard you try you won’t be able to resist someone. And for whatever reason both parties might know it’s stupid, leaving the whole relationship to only be played out in dreams.

3. Holiday - Love it, great summer song, great song about escaping from day to day life and just taking in everything around you. Always makes me feel happy and free….what more can you ask of a song?

2. My Name Is Jonas - “Come sit next to me. Pour yourself some tea. Just like Grandma made, when we couldn’t find some sleep. Things were better then, once but never again.” Love the lyrics to this song, love the emotion, classic Weezer.

1. Undone (The Sweater Song) - Conversation intro sets the tone for a beautifully unraveling song. The song builds from a well kept, clean pop-song to a chaotic masterpiece. Only song I could ever play on guitar, and probably my favorite Weezer song of all time.

First Official Rain Delay leads to Sloppy 8-4 Victory

In the biggest game of the year, Kessler's short sided squad took advantage of some wildness from Rainwater's team and held off for the 8-4 victory. Kessler took Dan Breslauer with the first pick and rounded out the squad with Neil Rames and Jeff Feldman. Rainwater took T Marks, newcomer Ian Hall, Abe Kim and Tom Montor. With high humidity and the threat of storms, Bres dialed up in the first inning and worked out of an early jam to strikeout Monte. Abe followed suit and made quick work of Kessler and Breslauer. In the second, Feldman took the mound and stood tall with another scoreless inning.

The bottom of the second saw Kessler take Monte deep with one out but Rainwater made a running catch robbing Kessler and keeping the score knotted at zero. Kessler got two quick outs in the top while Rainwater pitched the bottom of the third and refused to yield in the scoreless battle. It wouldn't be till the 4th when the skies opened and the runs started to pour in. Ramer made two uncharacteristic errors on two grounders that he couldn't come up with cleanly. One led to a run while some clutch hitting by Marks and Rainwater kept the inning going. With Hall up and runners on 1st and 3rd and a full count, the game was called because of rain to make it the first official rain delay in Wiffle history. After a quick shower, play resumed and Breslauer got out of the jam with a huge strikeout of Rainwater and got Monte for the final out.

Hall pitched the bottom of the 4th and worked around some walks and got Breslauer to line out to Rainwater in left for what was a definite double. Kessler pitched the 5th and also had trouble with control and gave up an RBI to Marks to fall behind 4-0. Signs of trouble for Rainwater's squad began in the 5th when Abe came on and walked 4 consecutive batters, finding it hard to keep his footing with the wet ground. Rainwater came in with the bases loaded and worked a full count to Ramer before making a great play on a comebacker to the mound. He then got Feldman to strikeout on a full count to keep the score 4-1. Feldman got two quick outs on the mound to keep the momentum on his side. The bottom of the sixth saw it come undone. Kessler led off with a single off Monte and then the wetness and wildness took over. Monte struggled with control as the batters were in straight take mode. By the time it was over, the score was tied, all coming off walks. Hall came in and got a big strikeout before walking two more. By the time the second out was gotten, Kessler had taken the lead 6-4. In the top of the 7th, Kessler was showing great control and got two quick outs after Rainwater skied a pop up that Breslauer camped under for the easy out.

The game would be effectively over after Rainwater came in and after getting an out, Kessler turned on an inside fastball, a pitch that Rainwater rarely throws to make it an 8-4 game. Unfazed but angry, Rainwater struck out Breslauer on a hard slider but knew the big hit was going to end up costing him the game. In the top of the 8th, Monte walked and Hall singled to keep some life infused in Rainwater's team. Kim swung at a 3-0 ball and grounded out for a huge out. Marks made a final bid to keep it a game with a deep fly to right that was about to be a 3 run homer until Breslauer made the play of the day and caught the ball of the trees holding on after bobbling the ball. The game was over. Hall pitched a scoreless 8th and after Rainwater led off with a single, Kessler retired Monte and Hall to give him the 8-4 victory.

W: Kessler

L: Monte

HR: Kessler (1)

Rain Delay: 8 minutes

Summer 2010 Lists

Life is all about comparisons. Maybe that's why I love lists so much. People relate almost everything in life to something they are familiar with. Anyway the Summer of 2010 has had its share of ups and downs, but at the end of it, it's Summer. Can you really complain? So i give you my top 10 and bottom 10 in no particular order. (A phrase I rarely use)

Top 10

1. MARS Bangers - Probably my favorite weekend of the Summer. Ke$ha's Killaz was a fantastic group of people and MARS was an awesome tournament. I will definitely be going next year. The drive there and back, seeing a Pirates game on a beautiful night in Pittsburgh, hanging out and drinking with the team, the Piano Bar, The car Cd. We also played some great frisbee and won more games than we lost. I couldn't of asked for a better group of people to spend my 4th of July weekend with.

2. Wiffle Ball - Another highlight of the summer is playing some wiffle ball at night in the CB lot. Always a good time with people to play at night when a lot of time there is nothing else to do. Fun Fact: The tax on a wiffle ball in new jersey is 14 cents. Wiffle, truly the game of kings.

3. Inception - Have not been blown away by a movie in a long time. I have always been a huge Chris Nolan fan and this just might have been his best movie. It is an idea that I have never seen before and cant even begin to explain. If you think too much, it loses something. Just an enjoyable experience throughout. Shout out to Toy Story 3 as well.

4. Back Porch at 347 W. North St. - One of the chillest spots in Carlisle. Great place to hang out and listen to some tunes while drinking with some serious crews. Things were rolled, lists were made and sometimes people just passed out in the coolest room in the house. "Feelin' lit Feelin' light 2 A.M summer night."

5. Arcade Fire and Spoon at MSG - I wrote something about this at some point

6. Wildwood - Yes it was too hot. But after that.......most ridiculous weekend ever. I mean what else would you expect from a weekend at the Jersey Shore. The most serious crews you can find will be found. It's nice to see hundreds of people you know just wandering the beaches and boardwalk.

7. Dewey Beach - Got two beautiful beach days in when I missed my family vacation in Cape May. Lieberman Beach House was all it was cracked up to be. When 90 Minute is on tap, you know you are in the right place. Couple nights of ridiculousness and all you can eat crab legs at the Rusty Rudder.

8. Jack Johnson - The other concert I went too. A perfect night outside of Philadelphia to see Jack for the first time and see him play his new album, which is awesome. Perfect summer music.

9. Harrisburg Summer League - I spent the past few years playing in MCUDL and CUFA. Since I was working at school, I got to spend the summer playing for the Forest team in Harrisburg. We took the number 1 seed and won our semi final game on universe point in ridiculous fashion. Unfortunately, I probably wont make it to finals. Regardless, Summer League is always a good time. Also, the Underdog is a great spot to hit up after games. Especially when Jeff is buying you really expensive Beers.

10. Chesapeake Open - Ok this didn't happen yet but this is probably the most excited I have been for a tournament and that is saying a lot. (There is a blog post idea!) Southpaw is the best team I have played for and we have a shot of doing something big. First test of the year. You only get so many. Check back for the recap.......maybe.

Because life is far from perfect. As it read above the white board in Ms. Havas' room, La vie n'est pas juste.

1. New York Mets - Another summer of irrelevancy from one of the most poorly run and disappointing franchises in sports. They have become the NY Knicks of Baseball. Instead of it just being one bad year, you look to the future and see a bleak picture. The people at the top are oblivious to the problems and the players just don't seem to care. Emphasize the F in effort.

2. Driving Alone - The amount of driving I had to do this summer did wonders for the environment. I love a solid crew when driving and I don't mind driving by myself with some good music but after a while, it gets to you. Route 76, 78, 81: I hate all of you. I have listened to my entire CD collection 100 times so that I have started to hate my favorite music. And god help me when there is traffic. I cant even tell you how many miles I put on my car this summer. It's best not to think about it.
"But I've been driving all night, wondering what to do
cause I've got miles of county lines before I'm through."

3. Blazar Car Cd - Mis-labeled and just flat out dog shit. Sorry buddy but come on!

4. Southpaw Practice - We talking about practice! The lack of tournaments this summer has made me loathe the amount of practice we have. I usually like practice but you want to see results. We went two months this Summer without a tournament. And one of these practices almost made me quit frisbee. Cant we just play already? People keep asking me how we are going to be. I wont have an answer for another two weeks.

5. Dickinson College - I won't go on about this but by far the gayest handling of a situation ever. Could of been avoided but people are stupid and cant keep quiet.....including myself. But at the end of the day......fuck it. I better get some Karma out of this

6. Lack of London - The longer I am away the more I miss it. I would kill for a lamb doner right now. Missed opportunities to see friends back in the states. Missing the kids across the pond.

7. Summer Job - I guess this is unfair to be put on this list. Nobody truly enjoys working....I mean, look at Carlos Beltran. He gets paid 20 million dollars a year to look absolutely miserable when he plays. The job was good, the money was ok and the experience was good but the amount of work was a killer. And the fact that I missed out on my family vacation in Cape May was not cool.

8. Money - Spent too much of it. Nothing much to show for it. Not enough of it. Want more of it. With the frisbee school budget non existent, everything will cost a lot. Have fun being in charge!

9. Summer Workouts - With practice, summer league, work and my penchant for laziness, my workout routine faded as the summer progressed. Good thing I'm taking strength training for a gym credit this fall because I went there once this summer.

10. Reading - Once again I had a list of books to read this summer and once again I failed. You think that if I liked writing, I would read more but no. I am a lazy piece of shit unfortunately.

Ok so I cant end the post on a negative. That would be so un-summer like so here are 5 more things that were either awesome or I am looking forward to.

1. Senior Year - One more year at Dicking Games. Back on the meal plan. Leading Jive to glory. Any doubters??? Come and see me on the field.

2. Rob's 22nd Birthday - This would of made the list if I remembered more of it and didnt pass out like a bitch at midnight in someones car

3. My Fantasy Baseball squad - O man I promised I wouldn't mention this on the blog but my team is finally good after two years of mediocrity.

4. The New York Football Giants - I love this team and I love the NFL. The defense is much improved and we are in the right position to have a very impressive year. Were an after thought to most people, and that's just how I like it. Also: I like how the Jets have one great year and all of a sudden they are New York's team. I am not trying to talk shit but this is just ridiculous. In the end......who the fuck cares. All that matters is getting to the playoffs and as the man Rex Ryan said.....all I care about is wins. And that is something I can agree with. The goal is Super Bowl. Bring on the haters.

5. Just cause it needs repeating....Jive Turkeys! See you at Regionals!

Merge Fest: Arcade Fire and Spoon at the Garden

I'll be honest, I only started getting into Arcade Fire this year. When they were starting to get (big) in 2004 and 2005 with their debut album Funeral, I still probably had no idea they existed. At some point they caught on with me but I still wasn't impressed. It took tickets to their show to get me latched on but once I was gearing up for the show, I was already hooked. Their new album The Suburbs leaked and I really liked what I heard. So August 5th came and I finally got my chance to see the indie darlings on one of the biggest stages: Madison Square Garden. Oh and some band named Spoon was opening for them. Deeeecent.

I got to the city around 5pm and waited to meet General Ducks Mazzoli who had recently returned from the battlefield with a broken shoulder blade (what the fuck.) Despite the injury, Ducks was just as pumped as I was for what was going to be a legendary show. We had dinner at one of New York City's finest eating establishments, Chipotle, although Ducks was unsatisfied with his burrito from the god like amount of rice that was thrown into the thing.

After being sent off by Pavement fanatic Jeff Feldman, Ducks and I hit up a bar for a few drinks before the show. We finally met up with Eddie Small and his friend Jim who were also attending the show but were too cool to meet up with us for dinner and drinks. (Actually Eddie got lost, what an idiot.) Ducks and I found our seats fairly easy and while we weren't in the pit up front, we were still on the ground floor with some great seats that were only 50 bucks. (Well worth it for an Arcade Fire and Spoon show.) Some Canadian named Owen Pallett opened at 8 as we were walking in. He wasn't terrible but I wont be downloading his music anytime soon.

I would say it was a little after 9 when the Garden got dark for Spoon to come on. So for the record, this would be my sixth time seeing Spoon and the first time they would not be the headline and the first time I was seeing them in a huge venue. They started the show with just lead singer Britt Daniel coming on to do an acoustic performance of "Me and the Bean" followed by the rest of the band coming on to do a cover of The Dammed song, "Love Song." An interesting start to say the least.

Here is the deal with Spoon. I thought they were very good but it just wasn't the same. Spoon is a band meant for a smaller club like venue and when you see them, you want to be near the front to watch Britt Daniel go crazy on stage and just spaze out like a mad man on his guitar while wailing out his lyrics. At the Garden on Thursday, he was very toned down with his performance and the lights were very bland. Now you have to understand that they were not the main performers so a lot of this toned down act is expected. Still, I feel that this is a chance to reach out to people who have never seen the band play and they were kind of boring on stage. For a band as talented as Spoon, it was a bit of a disappointment. Nothing like the other 5 times I had seen them. So just remember, if you are going to see Spoon: smaller venue, get close and enjoy!

And before I forget, while I thought Spoon was still great, the set list was not. First of all, I'm sorry but "The Ghost of You Lingers" is just not a good song. There are so many other legendary Spoon tracks to choose from. And while I may have been disappointed by their new album Transference, to not include "Written in Reverse" and "The Mystery Zone," the two best songs off the album and your lead single is an outrage. I did like the inclusion of the fan favorite "I Turn My Camera On" and "I Summon You" and "They Never Got You" was a nice surprise but again, on that ending guitar part, Britt Daniel kept it very tame instead of going nuts like he usually does.

(For Jeff and Eddie: Remember when the opened with this at Prospect Park: Unbelievable!)

Anyway, while Spoon was good, they were not the reason I was there. It was more like an added bonus to see them opening up for the headline: Arcade Fire!

What should you expect from a band with 9 members filling up a giant venue and playing from a new album that was released 2 days ago? Pure Fucking Insanity would be correct. Arcade Fire hit the ground running and never stopped. They opened the show with the perfectly titled "Ready to Start" from their new album which got the crowd humming. Things really got going with their second song of the show and second song off their breakthrough debut Funeral, the accordion driven banger "Neighborhood #2 (Laika.) The lights blared while everyone joined along screaming the lyrics. Definitely one of my favorite Arcade Fire songs. (By the way, my opinions deviate little from popular opinion. What usually happens when you have just started liking a band.)

They followed with "No Cars Go," a hit from their second album Neon Bible. The thing that stood out on this song was the almost Méliès like image of the two women on the big screen. Very trippy and weird, especially at the end of the song when their faces matched the songs ending of "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Next was "Haiti" which was another show highlight for me. Régine Chassagne, the wife of lead singer Win Butler, came to the front of the stage to belt out the homage to her home land and the band seemed to put some extra life into this one. She stayed on the mic to lead "Empty Room" which is one of my favorites from the new album. Again, the energy was top notch for this song.

Arcade Fire came back with their new single "The Suburbs" which I really enjoyed although the crowd seemed like they were taking a break. I guess it is kind of a mellow song so I wouldn't expect the crowd to be jumping around. This was followed with "Crown of Love" which I probably enjoyed the least out of the entire show. They went back to their new album with "Rococo" which was funny because as they announced they were going to play this, some guy near us just screamed out "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES." Definitely a highlight from their new album. The next two songs were "Intervention" and "We Used to Wait." The latter saw lead singer Win Butler entering the crowd and trying to balance on the railing. This all seemed to be a set up for their four song medley that would send the crowd into a frenzy and close out their first set in epic fashion.

Win Butler chimed on about the people who ask politely for the people next to them to stop dancing and how those people need to shut the fuck up cause this is a rock concert. Everybody started screaming and red lights drowned the stage with the opening chords of "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out), an absolute show stopper. Except they didn't stop and went straight into my favorite Arcade Fire song "Rebellion (Lies)." These songs back to back was definitely the best part of the show. The place was in complete euphoria the entire time. Can I go back now?

While everyone was catching their breath, Arcade Fire went into the fast paced "Month of May" off their new album which was filled with energy but failed in comparison to the two songs prior. They closed the set with "Keep the Car Running," one of the better songs from their lesser second album Neon Bible.

For the encore they could not have chosen three better songs. They opened with their classic opener "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels), the song that started it all. It was simply fantastic. Another favorite from the concert. Second was "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) which is definitely my favorite from the new album so I was very happy they played it. And although the drum machine faltered, Butler said that the song was too good not to start over. They got it right the second time and while it was great, I pictured this song to be so much better live and it failed to live up to my expectations. To no ones surprise, Arcade Fire thanked the crowd and dived into their most popular and arguably best song "Wake Up." The crowd sang along to every word as the Garden was actually shaking. I cant remember a better ending to any concert. A truly fantastic experience. The walk home from the train station......not so much.

CockDoc Tips For Maximizing Your Grizzly Potential

The following blog post was written by Eric Blazar, former Dickinson Student and Jive Legend. This post is by far the most useful thing you will read on my blog....enjoy!


As a medical student and future physician, we are taught to manage and monitor a patient’s weight and encourage them to maintain a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI). BMI is a statistical comparison of height and weight across a population, to establish a norm (20-24), obese (29+) and underweight values (< 20). As a perpetual spectator and one-time participator in “getting grizzly”, I fully endorse everything that “getting grizzly” represents, no matter how fat Jake Rainwater will become once his freakish metabolism slows down.

Grizzlyness requires the gorging and consumption of considerably unhealthy foods both in substance and in quantity. From a scientific standpoint, “getting grizzly” can become a science rather than an art. First, we’ll start with the physiology of eating. It all begins when that first bit of fried/refried scrumptious morsel reaches your stomach. Your stomach is equipped with stretch receptors that relay information to your brain. The more you eat, the more your stomach stretches and the more rapid your stretch receptors fire to your brain. The main regulator of hunger in the brain is the hypothalamus. With many subsections within it, mainly the ventromedial and the lateral areas of the hypothalamus are responsible for hunger. When the information from the stomach reaches the brain, the brain creates a hormone called lecithin. Lecithin then in turn stimulates the ventromedial hypothalamus stimulating hunger and inhibits the lateral hypothalamus, which is responsible for satiety (fullness). This is about as basic as hunger physiology can be.

It can be infinitely more complex, but now we’ll get to the reason for reading this post, how to maximize your grizzliness in a scientific fashion.

I’m not claiming with this knowledge you will be as grizzly as the legends, but with this knowledge you may be able to at least compete with them and hold their eating jockstrap. For those that are wholeheartedly dedicated to getting grizzly, the simple way to fix your “fullness” problem would be to remove your lateral hypothalamus, which can most effectively be done by beating your head against a brick/ cement wall until you are always hungry (side effects may include major brain injury, inability to think, compute or function as a human-being). For those less dedicated, but still interested in improving on your grizzly state here are some recommendations from the Cockdoc.

1) Don’t fill your stomach with anything that day except water and some juices. Reason: Not eating will make you ultimately hungry (which is great), however, not filling your stomach with anything for as little as 8 hours will shrink and ultimately inhibit your stomach’s ability to stretch. So, consume lots of liquids and little to no food day of and by the time your set to get grizzly, you’ll be eating like a champ.

2) Eat as much as you can, as quickly as you can. Reason: This seems to be a generally well known principle. However, the 20 minutes that you are claimed to have before your brain computes you are full is vastly overestimated as the receptors from your stomach travel a bit quicker than that. Alternatively, for those readers attempting to lose weight, eat slower, you’ll feel full in the same amount of time and have consumed less calories.

3) When getting grizzly, DO NOT drink anything but water, and drink minimal amounts of it. Reason: While liquids will help keep your stomach expanded throughout the day when prepping for a grizzly sesh, consuming beer and coke during is just a rookie mistake. Both beer and coke will dry out your mouth leaving you more thirsty and causing you to waste more time and more stomach space on unmeasurable liquids that will not contribute to your grizzly conquest.

4) Finally, protein LAST. Reason: Proteins are undigested until the last part of the stomach and early small intestine, thus it remains the same sized chewable bites throughout the stomach not allowing it to take the shape of the stomach as well as emulsified fats and carbohydrates.

A. For weight losers: eat lots of protein, you’ll feel fuller faster and longer.

So there you have it, Cockdoc’s tips for getting grizzly. I can’t say that I am very grizzly or ever will be, but the above principles should help you in your quest for always improving on your path to grizzly nirvana.

*the scientific information in this article is still being debated by the greatest minds in our society; thus, things may be true, or may not be true.