CockDoc Tips For Maximizing Your Grizzly Potential

The following blog post was written by Eric Blazar, former Dickinson Student and Jive Legend. This post is by far the most useful thing you will read on my blog....enjoy!


As a medical student and future physician, we are taught to manage and monitor a patient’s weight and encourage them to maintain a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI). BMI is a statistical comparison of height and weight across a population, to establish a norm (20-24), obese (29+) and underweight values (< 20). As a perpetual spectator and one-time participator in “getting grizzly”, I fully endorse everything that “getting grizzly” represents, no matter how fat Jake Rainwater will become once his freakish metabolism slows down.

Grizzlyness requires the gorging and consumption of considerably unhealthy foods both in substance and in quantity. From a scientific standpoint, “getting grizzly” can become a science rather than an art. First, we’ll start with the physiology of eating. It all begins when that first bit of fried/refried scrumptious morsel reaches your stomach. Your stomach is equipped with stretch receptors that relay information to your brain. The more you eat, the more your stomach stretches and the more rapid your stretch receptors fire to your brain. The main regulator of hunger in the brain is the hypothalamus. With many subsections within it, mainly the ventromedial and the lateral areas of the hypothalamus are responsible for hunger. When the information from the stomach reaches the brain, the brain creates a hormone called lecithin. Lecithin then in turn stimulates the ventromedial hypothalamus stimulating hunger and inhibits the lateral hypothalamus, which is responsible for satiety (fullness). This is about as basic as hunger physiology can be.

It can be infinitely more complex, but now we’ll get to the reason for reading this post, how to maximize your grizzliness in a scientific fashion.

I’m not claiming with this knowledge you will be as grizzly as the legends, but with this knowledge you may be able to at least compete with them and hold their eating jockstrap. For those that are wholeheartedly dedicated to getting grizzly, the simple way to fix your “fullness” problem would be to remove your lateral hypothalamus, which can most effectively be done by beating your head against a brick/ cement wall until you are always hungry (side effects may include major brain injury, inability to think, compute or function as a human-being). For those less dedicated, but still interested in improving on your grizzly state here are some recommendations from the Cockdoc.

1) Don’t fill your stomach with anything that day except water and some juices. Reason: Not eating will make you ultimately hungry (which is great), however, not filling your stomach with anything for as little as 8 hours will shrink and ultimately inhibit your stomach’s ability to stretch. So, consume lots of liquids and little to no food day of and by the time your set to get grizzly, you’ll be eating like a champ.

2) Eat as much as you can, as quickly as you can. Reason: This seems to be a generally well known principle. However, the 20 minutes that you are claimed to have before your brain computes you are full is vastly overestimated as the receptors from your stomach travel a bit quicker than that. Alternatively, for those readers attempting to lose weight, eat slower, you’ll feel full in the same amount of time and have consumed less calories.

3) When getting grizzly, DO NOT drink anything but water, and drink minimal amounts of it. Reason: While liquids will help keep your stomach expanded throughout the day when prepping for a grizzly sesh, consuming beer and coke during is just a rookie mistake. Both beer and coke will dry out your mouth leaving you more thirsty and causing you to waste more time and more stomach space on unmeasurable liquids that will not contribute to your grizzly conquest.

4) Finally, protein LAST. Reason: Proteins are undigested until the last part of the stomach and early small intestine, thus it remains the same sized chewable bites throughout the stomach not allowing it to take the shape of the stomach as well as emulsified fats and carbohydrates.

A. For weight losers: eat lots of protein, you’ll feel fuller faster and longer.

So there you have it, Cockdoc’s tips for getting grizzly. I can’t say that I am very grizzly or ever will be, but the above principles should help you in your quest for always improving on your path to grizzly nirvana.

*the scientific information in this article is still being debated by the greatest minds in our society; thus, things may be true, or may not be true.

CB Wiffle Resumes Play

On a perfect summer night with the moonlight flushed and the wind taking an off night, Dan Breslauer and Tom Monte squared off in a tightly contested game featuring some fantastic play from both teams. Monte selected Jake Rainwater and Tom Marks while Bres chose Jeff Feldman and Andrew Smith.

In the top of the first, Bres worked around a one out walk and retired Monte on a little bloop back to the pitcher. Already in the first inning, Bres was showing great life with his fastball pounding it inside on the hitters. Monte took the mound in the bottom of the first and made quick work of the hitters, striking out Bres and getting Feld on a sharp grounder right at Rain. Feldman took the mound in the top of the second and was greeted rudely by a leadoff double from Rain. Feldman composed himself and got both Tom's out to escape the inning unscathed. Rainwater having fully recovered from the shoulder injury from one year ago, fired bb's at the batters and finished both off with sliders to strike out the side.

Bres pitched the top of the third and found early trouble when he walked the leadoff hitter and gave up a double to Marks making it 2nd and 3rd with nobody out. Seemingly unfazed, Bres reached back and froze Monte with three fastballs and got Rain to chase a dirty cut fastball to strike out the side and keep the score knotted at zero. Marks worked around 2 singles in the bottom of the third, getting Feldman twice on hot shot ground balls that were fielded cleanly for the out. With Feldman on the mound in the top of the fourth, he got both batters to ground out to Breslauer who was showing some superb "glove" work in the field.

The game shifted in the bottom of the fourth. With one out, Monte gave up the goods to Bres on a big fly to left field that reached the streets for a solo home run. The inning would continue with a single and a walk bringing up Breslauer again who doubled home another run to make it 2-0. Feldman would follow with an RBI single to make it 3-0. Smith kept it going with a ground ball to Rainwater who made a critical error to allow another run to score. The inning ended with Bres' squad sitting on top 4-0. Rainwater led off and looked to make amends from the error and sat dead read on a Bres fastball and pounded the first pitch he saw to dead center for a solo shot to cut the lead. Bres took his lumps and kept firing, striking out Marks and Monte with some serious heat to keep the score at 4-1.

In the bottom of the 5th, Rain worked around a lead off walk to Smith and got Breslauer and Feldman on two filthy sliders to strikeout the side. Feldman took the mound in the top of the 6th and ran into a hot hitting Rain who led off with another first pitch double. Feldman escaped further trouble when Breslauer made a great catch off a deep fly from Marks just in front of the right field wall. Feld finished the inning by striking out Monte to keep the score at 4-1. Marks pitched the bottom of the 6th and worked around a single and a walk to get out of the inning while demonstrating impeccable control with his over the top lefty fastball. Bres worked the top of the seventh and Rainwater led off with another single to keep his consecutive at bat hitting streak alive at 4. Bres came back and struck out Marks and got Monte on a come backer. Monte took the mound in the bottom of the seventh and found himself in early trouble with a leadoff single and walk. Smith came up and crushed a pitch to deep left that hung in the air long enough for Rainwater to run back and make a spectacular one handed catch to save three runs. Monte then froze Bres on a full count change up that nicked the outside corner.

Feldman would pitch the top of the 8th, holding on to a 4-1 lead. He walked Rain to lead off the inning but followed by getting Marks. With one out and one on, Feldman fell behind the count 3-1 to Monte before the game was called on an unofficial Rain Delay. The game will be picked up tonight at 11pm eastern time.

Both teams vented frustration as the game that was far from over was called early. An especially heated Breslauer wanted to finish what he had started.

"We really had a great rhythm last night. I thought Feld pitched about as well as I've seen him all summer. He definitely justified me picking him with my first slot. Smith was smart as usual at the plate and kept some good banter going on there. Obviously to have it be PPD in the 8th is disheartening but we were plying very confident wiffle."

Bres was on his way to game MVP with a home run, 2 rbi's and 5 k's. He also set himself up for the save situation. "I've been in the right mindset for a good chunk of the summer. Hitting has really been there for me especially to left field and I cam make plays. I was disappointed with the knuckle yesterday but the fastball and location. This game will be, no, must be continued. It was too well played not to be. It'd be an injustice to both squads not to have a resolution."

Rainwater looked extremely dejected after the game and could only offer his Verbal Kint reply...."fucking cops!"

My 10 Grizzly Challenges

For those of you unfortunate enough to have never participated in a Grizzly Challenge, I seriously feel bad for you. You think the World Cup is exciting? You thought Game 7 of the NBA finals was entertainment? Well I have news for you! None of these events compare to the spectacle and competitive nature of a Grizzly Challenge. You will never learn more about yourself when you sit in front of a ridiculous amount of food with the one goal of downing it all. Adam Richman would agree.

This year I have taken on two Grizzly Challenges. The first in London which consisted of a large Lamb Doner and Dixie Chicken Meal 8 (Footage to come soon!) and the second in Bremen at the famous Ismet III Doner Stand. Both were successful victories and huge character building moments for myself. Anyone who has participated in one challenge can say the same for themselves.

While I am still young, healthy and in the prime of my eating career, here are ten challenges that I hope to complete before my first heart attack.

And if you have not seen Grizzly Nation: get on that!

1. The Ben Morales Special: 10 Mcdonalds hamburgers/cheeseburgers

When Ben was challenged, he only had 30 minutes to accomplish this brave feat. And he did it outside on the street in front of over 15 screaming fans. This is a true test of endurance as I hear the first 4 to 5 burgers go down without any pain. By the time you begin unwrapping that 8th one, you begin to think that Super Size Me might have been on to something.
Degree of Difficulty: High

2. Fudds or Dudds: 1 Pound Chili Cheese Burger with fries from Fudruckers

I have only conquered the 1 pound burger before and it was a slow and painful process. Throw in the chili cheese and fries and you have something worth talking about. Some strategies include the "John Rametta" which is cutting the burger into quadrants and using precision chewing to take down your food.
Degree of Difficulty: Moderate

3. White Rose System: 3 Breakfast sandwiches from White Rose

Ok so I have actually managed this one during my senior year of high school. While White Rose may be known for those delicious Cali Burgers, one can never underestimate the amazingness of their breakfast sandwiches. My go-to has to be the Bacon Egg and Cheese. The scene was Rob's basement and after pounding through the first two, I could feel my chest caving in as it became nearly impossible to breath. Needless to say, I got all 3 down in about twenty minutes while only shaving off a few years of my life. Hey, I'll take it!
Degree of Difficulty: Moderate

4. The Tandem: 5 Guys Burger and Fries and a Chipotle Burrito

Serious eaters like myself might have noticed that these two restaurants can usually be found in the same complex. The reason: because they are both fucking delicious. To do this, you have to finish one of the items at that restaurant then move on to the next eating establishment and finish off the challenge. I'm sure the walk would be good. The perfect combination one could say.
Degree of Difficulty: High

5. Morning Glory: 5 McGriddles Sandwiches

When McDonalds introduced this sandwich, one might have been skeptical. But come on, who doesn't remember their first McGriddle. In theory you have the perfect breakfast sandwich, now you just have to eat 5 of them. I once had 2 of these plus a breakfast bagel sandwich and I swear that I felt nothing. 5 of these should be no problem (famous last words?)
Degree of Difficulty: Moderate

6. Value Challenge: Take down the Wendy's Super Value Menu

Remember when everything on these menus used to be 1 dollar. Yea neither do I but that's the world we live in. For this, a smorgasbord of cheap Wendy's items or really on any fast food value menu would do. For this one, you would need:
-5 Piece Nuggets
-Crispy Chicken Sandwich
-Double Stack
-Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger
-Value Fries
-One Go Wrap
-Chili
-Value Soda (Yea Refills)

It's funny. This might be one of the more expensive challenges on the list. I'll spare you the Mandarin Oranges
Degree of Difficulty: Moderate

7. These Hallowed Grounds: 3 Grease Truck Sandwiches

I have been able to take down 2 once. But to ingest a third would be the true kicker. Yes we saw Man vs. Food legend Adam Richmond take down 4 and a half in an impressive 45 minutes but we all saw his mistake. His veggie fat cat at the end would doom anyone. I have heard of people talk about doing three, and while this is very possible, this challenge might have the highest probability of immediate death. They need to do something about those awful fries
Degree of Difficulty: High

8. Seafood Special: 3 Fish sandwiches from the 3 giants of Fast Food

This is hard for a couple of reasons. First, you need to locate a Mcdonalds, Wendy's and Burger King in a general vicinity of each other which is tough. Wait nevermind, this is America. Drive for like 5 minutes and you should be good. And while you might have to only eat 3 sandwiches, they might be 3 of the last things you would order at these places. You have the BK Big Fish, the Premium Fish Fillet Sandwich and the classic Filet-O-Fish. Mmmmmm delicious. Ok now this is a fun game: Match the description of each sandwich to its restaurant. Ready....GO!

Hand-cut fillets of North Pacific cod in a crisp Panko crumb breading, served with crisp lettuce and creamy tartar sauce on a warm bun. Now that's a great-tasting catch!

Dive right in. Don’t hesitate, cuz it’s made with light, flaky filet of white fish from the deep, cold waters of the Pacific Ocean and the Bering, Baltic and North Seas. Topped with tangy tartar sauce in a lightly steamed bun. Down you go!

Crisp, golden breaded 4.3-ounce filet, tangy tartar sauce, and fresh lettuce all served on a corn-dusted bun. This sandwich commands attention, and delivers satisfaction. Who are you to resist?
Answers at the bottom.
Degree of Difficulty: Easy/Impossible

9. Thinking Outside the Bun: The Taco's at the Bell

The original Gettin' Grizzly spot. To be honest, there are a million challenges that you could do at this legendary eating establishment but I will leave you with one: The Taco Medley. This consists of downing 5 Tacos (sooooo easy)............in 5 minutes. You have the Crunchy Taco, Soft Taco, Taco Supreme, Soft Taco Supreme and the kicker...the rare Crispy Potato Soft Taco.
Degree of Difficulty: Moderate (Had to put some speed challenges in here.)

10. The Final Domino: Conquer the 5-5-5 deal.

One of the greatest deals ever: 3 medium pizza's with one topping for 5 dollars each from Domino's. If you can take down one of these, you can think about taking on some of these challenges. Anyone who can do the impossible and eat all 3 is a true legend in my book. You think it cant be done? You are probably right.
Degree of Difficulty: High

Good Eats!!!






Answer to disgusting fish challenge

1. Wendy's
2. McDonalds
3. BK

Finer Feelings on London

So this is where I tell you that studying abroad has changed my life and it was the greatest experience ever. This is where I tell you that studying abroad has made me a new person, more mature, cultured and open minded to the world. This is where I tell you that I had the most amazing time ever and I can’t imagine having to go back to America. This is where I tell you that I have been to the most amazing places and that I have made the best friends a person could have. Of course right? Well let me start with an emphatic no and then let me finish with a bittersweet and resounding yes.

Looking back at all of it, what did I get out of this experience? Then I realized that that is a trivial question. Someone might ask me “What did studying abroad mean to you?” It’s a hackneyed interrogation, another practice essay question for a college application. I don’t really have an answer to that and to try to quip back with one, it just wouldn’t be true.

Wait…this is starting to sound negative. So let me change that. While there is so much I miss about being “home,” the decision to study abroad in London was one of the best decisions of my life. A few weeks in summer wouldn’t be enough. It is something that I recommend to everyone. If you are unsure about it, that means you should. And a semester is the perfect amount of time. A year is too long; I love Dickinson too much. But no matter what, everyone must get away from Carlisle for a time. Studying abroad has just made me that much more excited to come back to Dickinson for my senior year.

Regrets are a nasty thing and I unfortunately have too many of them. But thank god that I came to London for a semester. And yes there are far too many things I didn’t do but who cares? That’s not important. So maybe I didn’t make it to all the amazing places that London offers, I had some of best and most unique months of my life. And the friends that I made, the people I met was ultimately the best part of studying abroad. I miss you all!

So where do I begin…or rather where do I end? Without sounding too sentimental here is my abbreviated rundown.

I went to Glasgow to play in the Indoor Nationals Tournament with Dickinson buddy Matt Hartwig and his university St. Andrews. Met some great people and made quite the impression. Note: Don’t play Kings with just a bottle of liquor. I moved to Paris, shot some heroin and fucked with the stars. Ok so I didn’t move there but I visited the City of Light, watched seasons 1 through 5 of the Wire (again) and listened to a lot of MGMT. I saw three great concerts in a city that offers millions. Got grizzly on Dixie Chicken and Lamb Doner enough times to feed all of East London. Played in a beer pong tournament in Rome then wandered around in some random park in the pouring rain only to return to our hostel where a mysterious bakery sometimes existed. I played in a Frisbee tournament with only 6 people and won more games than lost.

I smashed glasses while listening to live cover bands in American filled bars. I turned 21, created a beer pong tournament then proceeded to lose in the first round to the last place team. I barely went to my Tuesday morning lecture because my school sponsored alcoholism every Monday night. I played Frisbee on the beaches of Rimini, Italy while partaking in the occasional Jagerbomb. Went to the ummm Beer Festival in Munich…climbed to Neuschwanstein in the rain. I ran up a down escalator only to puke and return to the New Globe. I ate Lamb Doner…..again. I went to Amsterdam on 420. Was stranded by a Volcano and got pick pocketed in Prague. I returned to Germany to brush up on my Nazi history in Berlin while averaging 3 Lamb Doner’s a day.

I returned to the net as a goalie for my uni soccer team. Went to Chipotle 4 times in its brand new international location in the heart of London. Saw Churchill’s War room and the Abbey all atop an eye. Windsor and the Tower while crusing down the Thames. Ate too many Brick Lane bagels and not enough lunch specials at the BBQ Base. Swore off Dixie then pledged my allegiance the following day. Day drinking and night bowling. I consumed whole animals and stole gigantic mugs. I got my mix tour on and slept in a tent without a sleeping bag. There was Knipp and Schnitzel. I saw Brazil v. Ireland at the Emirates. I ate the occasional bangers and mash and if I was lucky enough, the full English breakfast. I went to class (sometimes.) I went to a club that had shots for under 1 pound. I got lost in Cockfosters at 3:30am. I still haven’t lost a best of 7 and the Dream Team left London with a ridiculously high winning percentage.


And of course: the shout outs!

To flat 46: I know some of you may hate me and yes I am partly responsible for making the kitchen inhabitable, but we were by far the coolest kids and had the most ridiculous nights in that place.

The original bro: Pauly D aka Paul Wall. Hotel roommate and seeker of Dixie. Still remember coming home from Germany and spotting you in Dixie sober. Why cant we all be so lucky

The Bryant Duo: Lieutenant Dengel and Chill 5. Two true legends from the RI. Always down for anything. Too much to say, but lets keep this PG. Pretty much amazing!!

Low Cost: How much money did I fucking spend there

He is not from Arcadia: Marky Mark Avery Battles. Not only found the BBQ Base but soccer allstar and potential Frisbee stud, (You should of came.) Still remember that night where we went to Dixie and played a best of 7. Bad news bears

J Weez Jibbles J Sauce: Original Hotel Bro and classmate in the greatest module ever: Age of James I. While the wall climbing might of sucked, the golden fryer was always a good time. One of the few to understand the Doner culture.

Adam “the Rager” Rogers: Two legendary trips to Rome and Prague. Still unhappy that you did not partake in the Grizzly Challenge. You too Paul! The original Kid Cudi legend.

Brian Bri Guy McGoo BK Anderson: Had some of the best nicknames ever and I have not met a bigger Twins fan in my life. Unfortunately they still suck. Legend of the Underground London Baseball league. Also a big fan of the Base.

Nick Kipley: Actually the biggest legend in London. Everyone would agree. Also opened the doors in the flat which was awesome.

Daniel “Schlieffen plan” Schuf: Shared the same love I had with Von Hodenburg. Also down for anything…. especially getting drunk off cider. Went to the Ted Show and played on Bloody Mary, even if you didn’t make it on the second day. Too much sushi and amber jack

Golden Fryer: I will return

To all the American girls: I think some of our best memories might of came at Drapers…..and I mean might. Some of the highlights include two legendary games of twister in flat 46. Lauren’s birthday which was a ridiculous night. My birthday which I don’t think was as ridiculous but Jennie and I did lose in the first round of my tournament. Also big ups to Jennie for competing and finishing in the Grizzly Challenge. Hillary for putting up with me in Rome. (Where is my movie?) Robin and Tasha always playing horrible music in Robin’s room. (Not enough Ke$ha!) Paige and Blair’s flat was always a good time (especially when there are weird 19 year old London bros trying to hit on Blair.) My arch nemesis Jill in pong. I still cant believe we never played on the same team. Would have been domination. The legend of Paris herself: Liza! Honorary flat mate Kristen, (I’m sorry if I had to pay that book fine but the QM library is lying. They suck!

Then the British Bros: Cant say enough great things about Ash, Mike, Sam and Jack. Some of the funniest people I have ever met. True legends of the Uni life and I wish you would all come and study abroad at Dickinson College in America. You would tear this place up. I expect your pong game to surpass me by the next time I see you. Don’t let Dixie get the best of you.

And of course the Dream Team. I don’t know what I would of done in London without you. Best flatmates ever (Yes Libby you kinda lived in 46.) You honestly have no idea how much I want to visit you guys in Chicago but there will be a next time. I just wish it were sooner. Miss you guys so much. The taste of chocolate and cheese toasties still lingers sweet in my mouth. The taste of cider and that awful grape juice has me cringing months after I finally didn’t have to drink it anymore.


London City we love you, that's who made it for!!!! I will be back.

Classic Paganello (April 1 - April 6)

It was definitely the trip I was most looking forward too during this whole study abroad experience. I mean Wildwood is great in all but the beach tournament in Rimini, Italy is supposed to be the ultimate experience (I’m sorry.) After my surprise early Spring Break in Georgia, the excitement seemed to wear off slightly for Paganello. Also I had two papers to write in 2 days, which was absolutely miserable. By March 31, I had not slept in almost 40 hours but I was done and leaving the next day. After a wonderful dinner with a family friend who was in London and catching up with my HP girl Hannah ZL who was with her family in London, I got some much-needed sleep.

Woke up early April 1st and met the legend Rob S. at Liverpool Station. At this point in my life, I knew Rob to be a sensible well-mannered and respectable member of society. What this tournament will do. It was the train ride to the airport when I became especially pumped. I learned about the tournament, our seeding, how many games we had to win to advance to power pools and of course our team, Thor’s Boner!

This was the second year of Thor’s Boner at Paganello but the team had quite the reputation. Apparently we were a talented group of individuals who loved to get beyond drunk and have a good time. Various stories from last year range from stealing liquor from a bar and then one person proceeding to have the longest blackout ever recorded to a team member being locked in a train station one night. I figured I would fit in well. At the airport I met some of the Boner’s. There was team captain Paul, HP friend Mark Ioffe who put the team together and gave me the invite, Mike Fletcher and Tom “T-Bone” Borchert, two other Cambridge bros. Last to meet up at the airport was late pick up Rob Whitehouse aka Cash Money.

Drinking started early with a purchase of Southern Comfort in the airport. I had a good buzz by the time I boarded the airplane and proceeded to make small talk with the flight attendants who weren’t too thrilled with the bottle I had brought aboard. After landing, the seven of us made it to the hotel, which was very nice and checked into our rooms. We then headed into town and had an early dinner at some Italian restaurant and had some amazing pizza. After that we hit up the store for some important purchases. The theme for Thor’s Boner this week was….Jagerbombs! Jagerbombs! Jagerbombs! We purchased a few bottles of Jager and instead of blowing our money on Red Bulls we looked for a cheaper energy drink. I made the unwise choice of selecting Burn, which after cracking the first one we realized was red. Ok well we’ll see what happens. We also got some cheap beer and brought all the stuff back to the hotel.

After a few beers and maybe a couple Jagerbombs we headed to the beach and tournament central to check it out. While walking up the beach I saw the Horned Melons playing some pick up on one of the fields. This was a mixed team out of Philly that consisted of some players that I have played with slash know. There was Tim, Trey, Kyle, Kleaveland, Eugene as well as a couple others. After some mingling and talk of the Philly Open team I walked around the beach. We bought some things and headed back to the hotel to start the real drinking.

In a span of about an hour, Rob and I downed about 10 Jagerbombs. Everyone else joined in the process but we were going at it to see who would do more during the tournament. (I think I ended up around 31) A little before 9pm, another Boner arrived to our hotel, Tom “Classic” Ditchfield. Within ten minutes and a couple more Jagerbombs I proceeded to spew red liquid out the second story window. A good first impression! We headed to the beach where the opening ceremonies were as well as the party. This was a blast. The opening ceremony was pretty cool and the scene was just ridiculous. Free wine and shitty pasta were handed out. We mingled, drank, talked about tomorrow and had a great time. I met some people who I had met before as well as some other players I have come across in my Frisbee days abroad. Highlights of the night include Kyle and I knocking Tim over and then Tim wrestling Kyle. Around midnight I wandered to the boardwalk and ended up passing out on a bench for some time period. I woke up to find Mike drunk on the beach and not much else so we decided to head back to the hotel. I thought the party was over but apparently it just moved inside the tent. Classic rookie move. Ended up passing out around 1 am, which was pretty early, especially since our first game on Friday wasn’t until the afternoon.

Instead of getting more sleep that I desperately needed, I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep. Excitement I guess. I headed to the beach to watch the Horned Melons play some scrub squad. It wasn’t much of a game but I enjoyed watching people I knww. Also Raph was around so I got to talk to him. He was playing for UTI, which was a bunch of Clapham guys and the number 1 seed in the tournament. We were hanging out by our fields when I met the rest of the team. First was Charlie Nordstrom who greeted me by taking out a salami and demanding I had to be rubbed in the face before getting a piece. Also there was Graeme Moffat and player/coach Kevin Walsh who was not going to be playing because of an injury. So those were the famous 11 that made up 2010 Thor’s Boner. With only 10 players in a 5 on 5 tournament, the work was cut out.

Our first game was against the top seed in our pool, the German National team. During warm-ups, my legs felt horrible and my throws were off in the wind. The sand was much deeper at Paga than it is in Wildwood. I wasn’t expecting great results but that’s why you play the game. The first point I got a quick D when the person threw the disc right to me and I hit Whitehouse for the first point. The Germans had a great team and responded quickly but I knew I could take advantage of my matchups. I made a big grab to make it 2-1 and gave the team some momentum. In a back and forth game, I played some of my best ultimate. Since they didn’t know me, they were playing me straight up and sometimes even under. Everyone on the team stepped up their game. Rob and I were the primary cutters and we were getting open all day. Then there was Rob “Cash Money” Whitehouse who might be the best handler I have played with. His throws were money all game and it wouldn’t matter the mark or the stall count, he kept boosting perfect floaty discs and I was coming down with everything this game. One especially awesome play was a bail out huge flick from T-Bone that curved the sideline and came back in where I caught it in the endzone for the score, keeping both feet in. After some big plays from the entire team, including a falling over catch by Paul, Whitehouse hit me on a huck where the player fell down and I caught it in the endzone for the upset. I probably had seven of our eleven points. Whatever happened the rest of the weekend, this was good enough. Every game was followed by the fan favorite game “pass the boner” where the team had to pass an inflatable hammer through their team with just their lower body.

After celebrating our victory with a couple Jagerbombs, we enjoyed our time off before our next game. Word was spreading quickly about Thor’s Boner and their monstrous upset. The 24th seed toppling the 8th seed was quite unreal. Our last game of the day was against the 25th seeded French team whose name escapes me. We weren’t crisp but we were better and won easily in the end with a solid run. A great start for the Boner’s. After heading back to the hotel, we showered up and headed out to dinner. Then it hit me. My lack of sleep finally caught up to me and no drug or slaps to the face was going to keep me awake. So sadly and very lame of me, I passed out early. I tried to fight it but the two papers from earlier in the week came back to get me. Fortunately, our first of 4 games was at 9:00 am. Unfortunately, Friday night was a ridiculous night for the Boner’s which included a trip to the famous and legendary bar The Barge. Apparently, Paul was smashed with a bottle to the face, which he proceeded to smash a bottle across the other guy’s face. He was also punched by the bartender and slapped by the girlfriend of the bottle smasher. Rob was apparently a drunken mess and was ridiculous all night. Also a late night kebab gotten by Mike and Ditchfield, which was a classic Ditchfield move.

I heard all this in the morning at the hotel where I was astonished by all of it. Rob was unconscious and would not make our 9am game, which was luckily against the worst team in the tournament. Ioffe apparently had sex with some polish girl around 6 in the morning. It was also a struggle to wake up Whitehouse but we managed to get him to the fields. A rift had fallen upon the Boner’s as apparently Paul smashed a bottle on one of Kevin Walsh’s friends. Both had their versions of the story, as the whole ordeal was hilarious to me. After getting to the fields, we smoked an addorall laced spliff which was just what I needed. With the sun up and it being the nicest day of Paga, I enjoyed being a little high and just destroying the worst team at Paga. We won like something 16 to 3 and the game included a lot of ridiculousness. Whitehouse was passed out on the sideline. I jumped over some 40 year old French dude in which I turned back to see Ditchfield and Paul just on the ground laughing. It was a classic game, which had become our term for the weekend. Everything was classic, from Ditchfield’s defense to Rob being shitfaced. Classic!

We were recovering from our hangovers and what not and preparing for our game against the 9th seed Freespeed. All we had to do was lose by 2 points or less and we would be in the power pools. Freespeed knew the deal as well and they were warming up with an army of players 45 minutes before the game. We were sitting around and looking for all our teammates. Rob would show up but not be able to play because of being incredibly hungover. We didn’t stand much of a chance but we battled. With a lot of people watching this game, I was pretty pumped to be out there playing. I had one amazing D were I caught up to my guy in the endzone and jumped over his back and got a piece which got the crowd going and a foul call which everyone booed.

Quick Frisbee point. I always play that if there is a disc and both players have a chance and it is cleanly D’ed then there is contact after the fact, I don’t consider that a foul as long as there is no play on the disc. We both had a chance, I made the play and knocked the disc away and then made some contact. Since there was no play I contested the foul call. I agreed that there was contact but it was after the fact that the play had been made. Maybe that’s not the rule but lets be honest, this is a sport without refs so fuck it.

After long discussions the guy took back his call. I was fine with it being contested but whatever. We fell behind 5-2 or something taking too many risks. Plus the wind was picking up which wasn’t helping our cause. Their zone was giving us fits and we became very one-dimensional. I would wait for Whitehouse to get the disc and hope he could get off a huck. Surprisingly this worked somewhat and their deep guy had trouble stopping me. I think I made him cry at one point, no but seriously he was fuming on the sideline. In the end it wasn’t enough and we ended up losing by either 3 or 4. So the miracle run of Thor’s Boner ended. Freespeed celebrated like they won the fucking championship and posed in front of their flag with their shirts off…….gaaaaaaaay. In the long run it was probably good we didn’t make power pools. We were short numbers, tired and drunk.

Our next game wasn’t for a few hours and since our tournament didn’t really matter any more, Rob and I headed to the store for reinforcements in the form of 4 bottles of Jager and a case of Red Bulls, sugar free sadly. We came back to the stands with full steam and everyone seemed excited/worried for what would happen. Jager train commenced and no one was safe. The LSE guys seemed to be enjoying it as well. By the time for our next game against some masters team, we were drunk and not giving a shit. The wind was brutal at this point and we played horrible en route to a bad defeat. I was frustrated with how we played but at the same time was drunk and didn’t care afterward. We ended up dicking on the last team we played that day around 7pm. I believe I passed out mid game on the sideline and missed the rest of the game. The other team said I was disrespecting the game with my actions. I found that especially hilarious.

Dinner Saturday night was probably the worst meal I had there or maybe I just wasn’t hungry. Either way, Saturday night was legendary. More Jager bombs consumed. We hung out with the LSE team who was living across from us in the hotel. Their plan was to get us completely wasted since we were playing each other at 10am the next day. They were rather successful. The night included ridiculous shots and many other drinks. The party at the tent was rocking. Left nut right nut was played as well as other drinking games. Whitehouse and I were going beer for beer while other Boner’s came and left the picture. Eventually we trekked toward the Barge, you know, the place where all legendary nights end. I remember going in and buying a drink. Apparently I passed out on a bench outside (second time.) The walk back consisted of kicking over garbage cans and jumping on cars. (So civilized)

Sunday morning was miserable. We somehow made it to the fields just in time. I stole a chair from the hotel, which was very clutch, and I sat in it for a majority of the game against the LSE team. If we weren’t all wasted we should have cruised to an easy win but this was not the case. We played like shit (no surprise) and the LSE team took advantage and actually played well and beat us….not like we actually cared. There was a post game shot of whisky which of course Rob and I volunteered for…. we both almost vomited.

This is when Paga became less fun. The weather became shit by the start of our 2pm game. I played a couple points but my hip was hurting so I decided to not play most of the game. By this time, the rain had started to move in. We won the game but it was getting bad outside. Cold, windy and rainy on the beach was just miserable. Instead of going back to the hotel and sleeping, I just sat inside the tent. I didn’t feel like sitting in the rain and watching the other games. We had to play at 6pm against a scrub squad, which was not fun at all. Easily worst game of the tournament. It was truly awful outside but we managed to get through it. I felt healthy enough to play, Rob became useful again and we were able to crush their zone.

After a much needed shower, we got ready for the theme party, which was Oscars. The best costume was Charlie and Paul who played Ledger and Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain and Charlie’s hilarious “Jack Fucking Twist.” We pregammed in the hotel room, which was fun, and then we got our last team dinner together which was delicious. The weather was miserable with the rain really coming down but we tried to make the best of it. Ditchfield, Graeme, Walsh and I caught a cab to the party and eventually got in to the place. It was a pretty ridiculous club and everybody was there dressed up and what not. Ditchfield and I celebrated with shots of Jack and rum and cokes which was classic! Having the sunglasses helped and people on my team commented how Jersey I looked dancing on stage. Americans always know! Pretty ridiculous night overall. The place started to thin out around 3am and getting back to the hotel was a pain in the ass. It was pouring rain and freezing and when the bus finally came, we packed into it like refugees. Fuck the rain.

Monday morning brought the Boner’s together for one more game that nobody seemed interested in playing. The game started at 11am when the weather started to break making it half decent out there. I didn’t care at all but once you step on the field you cant help but play to win. We went up early, they came back, it was close. I dropped a couple deep discs, which really pissed me off. We ended up losing on universe point, which sucked but whatever. So the Paga playing was finished but the weekend was still coming to a climax. After a shower and more delicious pizza, Rob and I sat ourselves down in the stands to watch the finals. The mixed finals featured the Horned Melons who had been playing well but ended up losing to some foreign team, I forget who. The girls finals wasn’t that interesting either as Super Hot Pot won easily over the local Rimini team. But everything was setting up for the most exciting final and game of ultimate I have ever watched.

With a lot of red wine and a pre game spliff, a portion of our team had great seats for the UTI vs. Los Tiger final. As previously stated, UTI was a bunch of Clapham guys and Raph. Los Tiger was an All-star team out of the Bay Area that was full of legends. As Americans, we could appreciate what was about to happen. What everyone was looking forward to was the Justin Ford of UTI vs. Beau Kittredge of Los Tiger. Two of the best deeps I have ever seen and they did not disappoint. On the first point a deep huck went up that Beau didn’t come up with but called a foul. After long discussion, the disc was sent back and I agreed with the call. Later in the point, another huck and the same result. During the same point, a third huck went up and again there was a foul called that was debated and contested. We were going crazy in the crowd. Watching these two go at each other was just awesome. The game had some swings. Los Tiger jumped up to a 3-0 lead and UTI came back to tie it at 3 with a massive lay out grab from Raph. It was an incredibly close and exciting game but Los Tiger was too talented. Some of the lines that Los Tiger ran out were just ridiculous and as Paul coined, Bay Area Allstars. Kittredge, Bart Watson, Mac Taylor and Robbie Cahill are some of the best players in the world and them playing together was fun to watch. Beau was getting open under all day as UTI protected the deep and Bart Watson outshined them all and played just incredible ultimate. Of course the final score to end it was a perfect flick huck to Beau from Watson.

The rest of Paga was a good time. That night Whitehouse, Rob and I went to a pub in Rimini where most of the British ultimate players were. Talked to a lot of people and had a few drinks. Tuesday we hung out on the beach for a little as the weather was finally cooperating. A last bit of sun before the flight back to London. Paga was truly a legendary time and one of the best tournaments I have ever been too. I couldn’t rank anything over High Tide but this was as close as it gets. I am hoping it wont be last Paga. It is a tournament that any Frisbee player must play in at least once. Especially when you can play on a team as awesome as Thor’s Boner. Just a great group of people that was such a privilege to be a part of. Classic Paganello…pretty much amazing!